Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
