Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
