We named our party play list daddy issues
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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