My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I would ride that face into the sunset
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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