Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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