I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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