Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
