i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
