She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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