my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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