Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
