We won't sleep together?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
