Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize