he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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