If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
