You're so nebulous sometimes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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