No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
