Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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