i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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