I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
