i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
