Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
