First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
