I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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