You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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