Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
