her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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