I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
