There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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