New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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