I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
