What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
