either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
