I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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