im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
