Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
