He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
