hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
