Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
