he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
