this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Where are you guys?
Drunk
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
