He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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