woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
