His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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