I could have mohawked her pubes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize