someone threw a dead crab at me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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