She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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