I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
