i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
