BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
