Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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