I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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