Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
