the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
