Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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