i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
