How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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