we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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