A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
