Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
