Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
