He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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