No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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