you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
