hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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