Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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