hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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