she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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