I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
