I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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