Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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