he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
