this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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