Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
