I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
