I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
