He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
