she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
