god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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