he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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