Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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