It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How naked do you want me to be?
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