She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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