He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So squirting runs in the family.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
