People with herpes should wear stickers.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
