If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
