I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
